The “N” word and my son with autism.

I have a tendency to use bad words. Have a potty mouth 😳😜. I teach my children that the “no no” words are an adult privilege. If they survive till adulthood then they can use them lol. Wish it were that simple with an autistic child lol. My son has a melt down and those words fly out. But when he is calm he will say “I can’t use the “D” word till I’m grown can I Mama? I also have taught my children to never use the “n” word EVER. To me it is derogatory word used by white ppl to insult, degrade and dehumanize black ppl. However. My autistic son hears that word either in movies, TV, music or hell even in Wal-Mart now he hears black ppl use the word, so since his brain is different he doesn’t understand the difference. Well about 6 months ago I heard him call my cat the “n” word. I tripped over my shoe, shutting the door with my head, yelling
“no no don’t u say that”. I was upset, he got upset. After we calmed down I tried explaining why not to use that word. He didn’t understand though. I tried explaining it would hurt our friends feelings, but with little ability to feel empathy he didn’t get it. I racked my brain for a way to explain it to an autistic child. Finally I thought to ask him if he had ever heard me say it. He looked in my direction thinking (he remembers everything almost photographic memory) and said “no you have never said it”. I then asked him if he heard me say the “adult words” and he said “yes you say those”. I explained to him that because we are white we should never use that word, because it is a word used by a lot if white people to insult and put down black people and this includes our friends. I explained to him that it makes our friends and all black people feel the way he does when someone calls him retarded. My son has little empathy for others, but finally at 13 is beginning to understand and sometimes even put a word to his feelings, so he was able to understand that some. He then said he would not use it again and hasn’t. He will say “we never use the n word mama because it would hurt our friends feelings and we are white so we don’t use it”. Some ppl say by using it we desensitize it, but how can u desensitize a word that was used by white ppl so they would not have to use a slaves name. They used it to dehumanize slaves, so whites would not have to see them as human. It continues to used in the same manner today. I feel it is sad that I had to talk with my son about this. See before this my son would see that people had different skin colors, but he did not see someone was black or white. He would say that a person had darker skin than his or even lighter, but never that person is black or that person is white. I had to point this out to him so that he would not use the word. Now he calls himself white and our friends black. He is innocent in such a way and having to explain this word took some of that away. It sad now that he sees a person as a black person or a white person, and not just for who they are. He continues to love people for who they are, but again now knows a person is white or black. Maybe one day we will see each other as my son did, just as people who look different and not label people as black, white, brown and so forth.